The Parrot

A young man named Butch received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Butch tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, Butch was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. Butch shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. Butch, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, Butch quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Butch's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

Butch was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was
about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Frank,

That is a great one. Have a happy safe Thanksgiving to you and your family. Make sure you eat lots.

lol! Good find!

Here's a quick one:

Question: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?






Answer: Their AGE

Frank, this one has your name written all over it...

Frank and Joanne have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Frank wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.

Every morning for 15 years, Joanne says, "One of these days, you're gonna f-a-r-t your guts out!"


One Thanksgiving morning, Joanne's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.


Well, later that morning, Frank wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Joanne laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Frank has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.


She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Frank opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did f-a-r-t my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

Things That Sound Dirty on Thanksgiving Day
But Aren't

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back and take it easy ... I'll do the rest."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Wow a Bassin USA Hog Pile!!! Welcome to the trough boys!!

Hey Nunz, don't forget,

Sometimes I use butter, Sometimes beer, You know what ever it takes to keep it moist!

Just peel the skin back and there it is!

And Brendan's Favorite;

You have to eat the whole thing not just the marshmallows off the top!

Happy Holidays!

A preview of Next week's Hot Threads!;

Nunz writes about "Why I think Santa is [censored]!!"

This places is going down the tubes! I think we might have to "password protect" this board and have an "adult check" soon!